pre natal diagnosis
47 hours with a prince
memorial service ideas
Poetry, Verse & Reflections
Expressing your feelings about your loss through the writing or reciting of poetry, a bible verse or reflection can be very validating experience. You could also ask others to share a few reflections or thoughts about what has happened. Another idea for small groups is to ask people in advance to write down a few brief thoughts, and “go around the group” at your gathering as each person shares their reflections.
Don't underestimate the value of expressing yourself in these ways with the people closest to you. It allows you to share with them exactly how you feel about what has happened, and gives them also a chance to respond.
Planning a Service following a Miscarriage
Unfortunately, grieving over a miscarriage is often a taboo subject in our culture. Miscarriage can often have occurred before there has even been a chance to share the exciting news of pregnancy with family and friends.
It is very important for you to choose whom you will share the news with, and if you feel you want to have some sort of service or ceremony to acknowledge the little life that has been lost, to choose carefully those (if any) who you invite to join you.
Below is a list of possible ideas to help plan an occasion where you can acknowledge the loss of your child and express your grief.
Teddies and Toys
From our experience, we see that people grieve the loss of a child in a different way as they would grieve the loss of an adult, especially people who have children of their own. We wanted to find a way for people to have something in their home that reminded them of our precious children, but that was not obtrusive or offensive to varying tastes and décor.
We organised for each family to take home a small teddy bear with a bright ribbon around its neck – blue for our boy and pink for our girl. We called them Stephen and Esther bears. Our family and friends have just adored this idea and have appreciated having something they could take away to cuddle.
Plant a Tree or Bush
A lovely idea is to meet in a garden and plant a tree or plant as a focus for the occasion. Having a little plaque or placing some stones around the base of the tree may be a way to involve the people who are with you.
Choose a Venue
Organise a time or place to meet with those joining you that fits your style. It could be anything from an afternoon tea at home, a picnic in the park or a private gathering in a garden. Choose somewhere that feels safe and will allow you to do what you want to do comfortably.
Choosing some music that has special meaning for you can help you create a lasting memory. Long after the day has taken place, your memories will be triggered and shaped by the music that you have associated with on the day. You could consider having some recorded music playing as people arrive and are talking and spending time together. You may also consider choosing a special piece of music to have played during the formalities as a time for people to reflect.
You could organise some helium balloons to be released as part of the gathering. There is a strange sense of freedom and peace that comes from watching balloons released and floating up to heaven; it can add a lovely element to the day.
As an added idea, you could also ask people to write a word, thought or picture onto a small card and attach it to their balloon to release. This is also a great idea for kids, as they can draw a picture of how they are feeling about what has happened.